January 11, 2009 at 11:09 pm (Dreamer, Insomnia)

Open your eyes

I’m borderline insomniac. Definitely, I suffer from some sleep disorder, I just never bothered to find out which one. When the doc said “Chronic Secondary Insomnia”, I tilted my head and gave him a sarcastic sideways nod.

My problem is not only that I can’t sleep; it’s that when I do sleep, I struggle to wake up. I’m either floating on fatigue or drowning in my dreams.

It takes the composure and focus of a Taoist Baguazhang Artist to maintain that delicate balance of excesses and live a normal life. I 0opt to avoid tiptoeing along that fine line and instead just stay awake if it’s past a certain hour. This is what they assume to be insomnia; my decision to forego sleep for greater purpose.

I remember reading Stephen King’s Insomnia when it first released in 94, and being entirely enthralled and engulfed in a world I could understand. Ironically, I mostly read the book when my mother and brother presumed me asleep. It was the first of many things I would gain from being awake that late. Because the house was too small to sneak out of the one room we shared, to find something worthwhile to do with my time,  I read. I also began writing. Eventually, drawing.

These became my dreams; what I did when I should’ve been sleeping, how I dealt with my surreality.  It was the documentation of my reality, the visions of my future, and every random musing in between. Very much like your dreams…

…only my way.


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